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By Sam Zanahar (2010)
Female sexuality overall is probably more complex than male sexuality. There is also much more cultural and regional variety.
Male sexuality is, I assume, more straightforward. And it is so with a rather regular pattern around the world.
While men may choose to surrender to religious, cultural, or moral restrictions, these restrictions are more superficial than various concerns that play a role in the typical female mind.
Basically, cultural, religious, and moral restrictions do not intercept the pathway of male sexual arousal. A man may obey cultural, religious, and moral restrictions and not give in to a sexual stimulus. But the stimulus exists, and often, it is a rather straightforward affair.
Almost every heterosexual man can be aroused by the sexually inviting behavior of a young, beautiful woman. A man who obeys restrictive cultural, religious, or moral norms may resist the sexual invitation. But the arousal has happened, and the man will likely carry the memory of the arousal around with him for some time. He may even fantasize about the sexual invitation when he has intercourse with a regular partner.
Women, by and large, encounter fewer temptations. From all I have learned from the women I have been with, I assume that girls or young women in many Southeast Asian countries often indeed are not aroused by sexually inviting behavior of men. Often, they are too concerned with romantic ideas about lifelong love with a gentle male partner with whom they have a number of children.
It's not that they could not imagine sexual excitement. However, the sexual excitement would have to be imbedded in a much more complex setting.
Men with little sexual experience often have a hard time imagining such a female frame of mind. They can be helped by the following mental exercise.
Imagine yourself at a time when you were a young man without an appropriate outlet. You certainly were susceptible to sexual stimulation.
Now imagine that at that stage of your life, you were approached by a toothless grandmother of 60 plus, who tried to get you into bed with her.
Go along with the thought exercise. Imagine you as politely declining, whereas the grandmother becomes ever more open with her advances, inviting you at a certain stage to touch her private parts.
You decline? Why? Because the whole thing just isn't right, and you are not aroused.
Now, to the best of my knowledge, that's about how women feel most of the time when they are approached by a man. It's not that they wouldn't be sexually excitable. It's just that they are not excitable as randomly as men.
So, just as the imagined grandmother was wrong in assessing that you were an impotent young man, it is wrong to jump to the conclusion that a woman is "cold" because she doesn't react on your sexual stimuli.
I have mentioned time and again that for a man, the most important decision is to choose the right place for his sexual adventures. This choice will not only determine the quality of his sexual opportunities, but also whether he experiences women as sexually motivated or as not sexually motivated.
The reason for this is that in some countries you (as a Western man) have a better status as potential sexual partner than in others. Or, even more directly: while in Europe or the US, most women will just consider you average, or below average, you may seem extraordinarily attractive as a sexual partner in other parts of the world. And in those parts of the world where you do appear extraordinarily attractive to a large number of women, you, but possibly not the majority of local men, will experience women as more sexually oriented than in Europe or the US.
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Copyright Sam Zanahar